You know that feeling when the chilly fall weather hits and suddenly everyone who was “just enjoying being single” is now frantically swiping right? When that person you were just having fun with over the summer starts looking like a viable option?
That’s cuffing season talking, baby. And it’s not about just wanting a cozy sweater-weather romance…
It’s about being scared to face the holidays alone.
Let’s Talk About That Fear
Here’s what I want you to know first: feeling lonely during the holidays is completely normal.
The shorter days, the couple-centric imagery everywhere, the family gatherings, the New Year’s Eve pressure… it all amplifies whatever loneliness you were already carrying.
And that loneliness? It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s information telling you that you crave connection and intimacy.
Those desires are beautiful. The question isn’t whether you should feel them, it’s what you do with them.
Two Paths Forward
When holiday loneliness hits, you have two options:
Path 1: Fill the void quickly – Reach for anyone available. Lower your standards. Convince yourself that having someone – anyone – next to you is better than facing the holidays alone. This path offers immediate relief but often leads to feeling lonelier in company, which definitely hurts worse in the longterm.
Path 2: Meet your loneliness with compassion. Acknowledge it, feel it, and then ask yourself: “What do I actually need right now? And how can I give that to MYSELF?”
What You Can Do
Reframe the season – The holidays don’t have to be about romantic partnership. They can be about connection in all its forms – friendships, family you choose, community, and yes, your relationship with yourself.
Create your own traditions – Host friendsgiving. Start a holiday movie marathon with people you love. Volunteer somewhere that matters to you. Don’t wait for someone else to make your holidays meaningful, you can do that yourself.
Get honest about what you’re really afraid of – Usually it’s not actually about being alone at holiday parties, it’s about what being alone means to you… That you’re behind. That you’re unlovable. That everyone else has it figured out. Write these fears down. Look at them. Ask yourself if they’re actually true or just thoughts your brain is offering you.
The Truth About Being “Alone”
Here’s what I’ve learned: being alone during the holidays and being lonely during the holidays are not the same thing.
You can be surrounded by people and feel isolated. You can be single and feel whole. The external circumstance matters less than your internal relationship with yourself.
You don’t need to have someone by the holidays to prove your worth.
What you need is to trust yourself. To know that you can face the hard moments and survive them. To build a life that feels full no matter your relationship status.
Because here’s what happens when you do that: you stop seeing the holidays as something to survive and start seeing them as a season you get to experience however you choose.
You stop attracting people out of desperation and start attracting people who actually fit your life.
So feel your loneliness. Honor it. Let it teach you what you truly want. And then make choices from that clarity, not from fear.
PS: You don’t have to face these feelings by yourself. I’m here to guide you in learning to love yourself fully.
If having some extra support this holiday season would be helpful, click below to learn more about my coaching.
