If you have an anxious attachment style or struggle with anxiety in relationships, texting can feel like a minefield. Every message (or lack of one) can trigger fear of rejection or abandonment.
Silence or distance bring up deeper worries than just wondering why they haven’t responded yet.
It creates spiraling thoughts like “Did I do something wrong? Is she losing interest? Am I too much?” That spiral isn’t about the text itself, it’s about your nervous system reading silence or short replies as danger.
- Delayed replies – Your brain equates “they’re busy” with “they don’t care.”
- Short responses – A “k” or “sounds good” feels like dismissal instead of normal shorthand.
- Changes in tone – If they’re playful one day and straightforward the next, it feels like a shift in their feelings toward you.
- You initiate more – If you’re starting most conversations, you might feel needy or unwanted.
Why does your nervous system react this way?
When you have anxious attachment, your body is wired to stay hyper-alert for signs of rejection. Texting gives very little context—no facial expressions, tone of voice, or body language—so your brain fills in the gaps with worst-case scenarios. It’s your system trying to protect you, even if it ends up hurting you.
Here’s what you can do instead…
- Pause before reacting. Notice when you feel that urge to overanalyze. Take a breath before rereading the message 20 times.
- Reality-check your story. Is there actual evidence they’re pulling away, or is your brain making assumptions?
- Anchor in your worth. Remind yourself: one text doesn’t determine your value or whether you’re lovable.
- Communicate directly. If patterns truly bother you, you can voice your need for more consistent communication.
Anxiety in relationships is simply your brain trying to protect you… but now you get to tell it to take a back seat, you’ve got it from here!
And trust me, I get it. I struggled with immense fear of rejection and abandonment for years in my relationships.
I literally called a guy 30 times in a row once because that’s how dysregulated my nervous system was after he ignored my initial texts. Lordy!
I look back on that younger version of myself and feel my heart breaking for her.
She was scared. She didn’t have the tools. She didn’t feel safe or secure.
So, she reacted – in the only way (and the best way) that her brain knew how to.
But then I did the work – I hired a relationship coach, dove into attachment theory in depth and started to hold myself accountable to creating real change… not just being able to define what was happening to me.
Today, my anxiety still gets triggered on the rare occasion, but I now know how to regulate and soothe myself.
Your anxiety doesn’t need to run the show anymore. Let me show you how.
