I wasn’t modeled safe love – I had to learn what it looked like the hard way.
Here are the things I had to shed in order to attract and keep a healthy relationship.
1. You have to EARN love: I used to believe I had to earn someone’s love or attention. Now I know, love isn’t transactional, it’s freely given. I didn’t have to bend over backwards to get someone to choose me, I was already enough.
2. Love = Drama: I grew up in a household with a lot of fighting. In my early relationships this caused me to think that if things weren’t intense, they weren’t real. Now I know healthy love feels safe, not chaotic. Calm isn’t boring, it’s secure.
3. They should just know: My old belief was that “If they really loved me, they’d know what I need.” In reality, expecting your partner to read your mind only creates confusion and resentment. Clear communication is love in action.
4. Jealousy = Passion: Not true! Jealousy is insecurity, not proof of love. True love feels trusting and free, not possessive.
5. If I can fix them, then I’m worthy: Yes, I was a “fixer.” I constantly tried to heal my partners in a twisted attempt to prove I was worthy. But you are not someone’s savior. Healthy love is reciprocal, it’s not a project.
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